wEi sHeR mO nEHs?

woo. yesteray me and shawn tan were discussing about why ah bengs always go broke. so first we consider where they earn their money from.

1. be bookie, earn commission
2. be runner for ah long, earn commission
3. be waiter, earn few dollars per hour
4. be the boy who pisses you off at mcdonalds because of his fucked up attitude, earn $3 per hour
5. be man-bitch at desker
6. be pimp at geylang
7. race your father's beemer illegally
8. bet on 4D/Toto/Soccer
9. extort money from that geek who sits next to you in class (provided you're still in school)
10. steal pirated CD handphone/wallet from that bitch sitting behind you in class (provided you're still in school)
11. be 啤酒 妹 at the kopitiam downstairs

okay. as you can see. we could think of many sources of income for ahbengs. so we started to talk about where they spend all their money. although we had many sources of income hor, we could only think of a few ways they lose their money.

1. hours at the games arcade playing initial d
2. buy cigarette
3. buy drugs
4. buy drinks which they can barely afford at a club
5. dying their hair
   

so we considered of the 5 options which one will most likely make an ahbeng go broke in the shortest time.

1. considering the ahbeng has spent countless of hours in front of that machine, he should be quite good at it. a token should be able to last him for almost an hour on machine. take cost of a token as 5o cents, the ahbeng spends $1 per hour here, 1/3 of what he would earn at mcdonalds.
2. considering the ahbeng buys his cigs from uncle bob(50cents per stick) and smokes 5sticks a day, the ahbeng spends $2.50 a day, his pay for an hour at certain mcdonalds outlets.
3. i do not have any idea how much this would cost the ahbeng, so we shall take it as 30bucks per month.
4. since the ah beng goes to an ulu club which would let him in even though he's underaged, there would be no entrance fee. considering the ahbeng wants to act macho and only drinks the most expensive cocktail on the menu even though he cant stands the taste, he spends approx. $15 per shot. considering that he and his friends drink a total of 10 shots that night, he spends $150 in a day.
5. as most of us have noticed, ah bengs like to dye their hair very often, making sure that by the time they get arrested and thrown into jail for underaged clubbing/smoking/taking drugs/smoking in a non-smoking area/starting a fight over a game of initial d/gangfight, they would have at least had their hair dyed every colour of the rainbow, in different combinations. if i still recall from my a maths, this would mean that they would have to have their hair dyed a total of 7!=5040 times! since he would want it done before he goes into jail, which is estimated to be when he is 16(age that a teenager can be charged in court). considering he drops out in sec2(15 years old since he retained in primary6), he would only have 365 days to dye his hair 5040 times! this means, he has to dye his hair every 104.2857 minutes to be able to achieve his goal! assuming he pays $100 each round, he spends a whopping $50400 in a year!

after a long discussion and a casualty to victoria's secrets, we were able to conclude that the average ahbeng spends all his money at the hairstylist, before going to jail.

oh and by the way, our definition of an average ahbeng would be one who is sent to jail before his seventeenth birthday. if you are sent to jail after your seventeenth birthday, you are classified as an under-average ahbeng. if you are sent to the boys home when you are 14 and was transfered to changi chalet when u hit 16 and stay there til you are at least 25, you are a hardcore beng. if you are 18 years old and still not in jail, you are a wannabe beng.

okay, this concludes our discussion on ah bengs. thank you for your attention.